What Jenny's Reading

{December 30, 2014}   Review: Gone Girl, Pt. 3

And here we are!  The last Gone Girl review.  Bet you were all, hey fucker, remember the review you started months ago?  How about finishing that?  Well, I did.

(Confession: it’s because I hate things ending!)

1. Amy and Desi are at the lake house-mansion. Amy is a little bit uneasy about the whole thing. She’s starting to see that Desi is pretty nutso. And for a girl like Amy to be uneasy around Desi, you know he’s pretty nutso.
2. I mean, the dude keeps a tulip garden that blooms year-round for her. Which has clearly been there for years. Amy tells us that tulips were her favorite flower in high school. Also, the color of the bedroom walls were her favorite color in high school, too. Not a coincidence. I probably don’t need to make that clear.
3. Nick and the cops go through the diary. The cops are pretty pissed about the whole thing, and remind Nick he’s looked suspicious since day one. He claims he’s just like that, very stoic, and that Amy always complained about it.
4. Tanner tells them the framing story, and they don’t believe it. Maybe Tanner can use this as a theory at trial. Make Nick look insane. I mean, it hardly ever works in the real world, but it works in fiction all the time.
5. I can’t believe Amy appears to be falling for Nick’s lines in the televised interview. She has to know he knows what she did, and that he’s pissed. Desi is right, even if he’s crazy.
6. Amy’s also comparing Nick and Desi, and finding Desi at fault because he’s controlling her in a specific way. Desi wants the Amy of his dreams, not the Amy of reality. This happens when men (or women) put someone they’re attracted to on a pedestal. They see a perfect vision rather than what’s really there. Eventually, they get disappointed.
7. Oooh. Theory #6: if Amy ends up going back to Missouri, she manages to frame Desi for the whole thing. Hmm.
8. And she’s now decided, based on that one interview, that she’s got to go back, that she and Nick were made for each other. Ugh, HOW DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT HE’S DOING?
9. It’s also hilarious, though. Girlfriend is so nuts that she thinks she can handwave away everything she did and they’ll live happily ever after.
10. And the very first thing Nick says when we catch up with him is that he wants to kill her. So…yeah. He’ll be arrested soon; everyone knows about the diary, the stuff in the woodshed, and they hate him again. WHAT DID I TELL YOU, NICK? Ex-factor. Ex-mistress.
11. Go was apparently NOT arrested, but questioned about the woodshed stuff. Oh, and we find out how Nick afforded Tanner’s retainer: she double-mortgaged her house. Wow. Just…wow.
12. Amy’s still stuck at the lake house. Apparently, back when they were in high school, she scratched up her face and told Desi that his mother had done it. Okay.
13. This girl is just completely nuts. I know I’ve said it before, but damn. I bet she could actually use the insanity defense, if it came down to it. She’s demonstrating a pretty intense lack of understanding of right and wrong.
14. The cops found a club that had been attached to one of the marionettes Amy left for Nick. Amy’s blood is on it, so they’re classifying the disappearance as a homicide, and Nick is arrested.
15. It’s been thirty-three days since her disappearance now.
16. Amy and Desi have sex, and she drugs him with some sleeping pills. She’s planning her escape.
17. I KNEW IT! She blames Desi!
18. I don’t see how that’s going to work, though. Does she know where Desi was the day she disappeared? What if he was with someone who could give him an alibi?
19. Oh, wow. She KILLED Desi? I guess no Twilight psycho romance is in the offering, then.
20. What is “Desi” short for anyway? It seems like a nickname. I guess it could be a full name.
21. She’s examined by a doctor and says she’ll answer questions from the police. I don’t know where Nick is at this point. She’s really, really specific about the “kidnapping.” Like, she describes a lot of details. Probably she should’ve been more vague. I think with it so detailed it sounds made up.
22. I mean, we know it’s made up, but at this point, the police don’t.
23. Nick gets to the station and they have a tiny press conference about Amy coming back. Nick is amazed when she isn’t arrested after being questioned for four hours. I am a little, too. But I think the woman officer – Boney – doesn’t believe Amy.
24. He makes her tell him the story of what she did, while they’re in the shower together. I mean, she forces him to strip so she knows he isn’t wearing a wire, then they go into the bathroom and run the water and she whispers everything. Nick admits to himself that he admires her and realizes they both do really know each other. He thinks it’s romantic, but not healthy romantic.
25. She tries to get him to sleep with her (literal sleep) and he refuses. She threatens him that she still has plans up her sleeve for him if he tries to leave her or expose her. She’s nuts. I still love her.
26. Nick calls Tanner and tells him what happened. Tanner thinks they’re the most certifiably fucked up people he’s ever met. Tanner’s not wrong.
27. Nick hangs up and fantasizes about killing his wife gruesomely. I actually don’t have a problem with his fury, considering what she’s done. However, what grosses me out is that he says he’s had this fantasy a lot of times over the last few years. You know, before he was framed for her fake murder. That is scary, dude.
28. What’s also scary? Amy heard the whole conversation with Tanner. Nick, you will never be as smart as her.
29. They fight. She tells him he was boring and uninspired before her, and that if he left her for someone else he’d end up hating the other woman for not being her. He starts to choke her but stops when he realizes that she’s right. He decides he won’t leave her, and that he can’t not have her in his life somehow. So he decides he’s going to put her in prison.
30. Nick is working with Go and Boney, but no one believes them. Desi’s mother has been discredited by the media, and publishers are calling, wanting Amy to tell her story. Amy’s parents have a book offer too, and left to go back to New York. Boney says she needs something concrete from Nick to accuse Amy, and that she’s actually no longer on the case – the department shut everything down. So far Amy is winning.
31. I wonder how they’re paying the credit card bills for all that stuff Amy bought in Nick’s name? Or Go’s second mortgage? I’m going to assume that Amy’s parents sent them some money. Maybe the bar is doing really well now, maybe the town is a tourist spot because of the case.
32. Go, Boney, and Nick comb through the diary, looking for any anachronisms they can use to prove it’s fiction and was written recently. They fail, because Amy thought of everything. Boney tried to have Amy’s parents go through it as well, but they obviously refused because duh.
33. Several months go by. Nick has an interesting interlude where he talks about how they’re both pretending to be different people, and actually having fun, and sometimes it feels like they’re in love again, but that he’s still afraid of her. Obviously. I do love how she’s all, “Well, the Desi thing was isolated,” like she’s never going to murder anyone ever again. Amy starts to feel very safe, and is even not upset when Nick finds the antifreeze poison vomit she’d hidden. She also has a book deal.
34. I have a feeling that this is going to come down around her about the time she publishes her book, maybe?
35. Nick’s dad dies, and Nick starts writing his own story. He calls it “Psycho Bitch” and thinks that it’ll hurt Amy somehow. He’s going to leave her and then get a book deal. He doesn’t think she’ll go to prison, but maybe some people in the world will believe him about her.
36. When he shows it to her, she’s all, great! I have a surprise for you, too! She’s pregnant, for real this time. HAHAHAHAHA!
37. I guess at some point he had semen in a hospital freezer? At a fertility clinic, I guess. Why would he do that? I can’t remember if they were actually trying to get pregnant before. I don’t think so, since he didn’t want a baby, I think that part was actually true. I am so confused by that, honestly. Anyway, she’s pregnant and it’s really his baby.
38. Nick first thinks maybe he’ll still leave her and sue for custody, but he realizes he can’t. Amy will accuse him of molestation or something else and he won’t even get to see the child sometimes, or if so only under supervision. Oh, and it’s a boy.
39. Nick deletes the book and tells Boney he can’t help her with her investigation anymore. He tells Go about the baby, and Go is pissed, and tells him he’s looking for an excuse to stay with her because they’re addicted to each other, and also that they’ll be a literal nuclear family – in that, they will explode. Ha! Good one, Go.
40. And guess what! She gets away with it. The book ends with Amy getting the actual last word, the day before her due date.

This book was absolutely nuts. I loved everything about it. I’m actually glad that Amy got away with it. I read that a lot of people dislike the ending, and I can understand that, but seriously, Amy wasn’t going to prison.

I wonder if the author did a sequel. I guess there’s probably no reason to. I haven’t seen the move yet, obviously, but I’ve heard it’s very good, and that Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike are great. Honestly, isn’t Ben Affleck the world’s best casting for this part? He’s a guy whose reputation was dragged through the mud a lot over the last few years and seems a little…I don’t know, skeezy, if you believe the stuff you read in the gossip rags. I can’t think of a better person to play Nick Dunne.


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