What Jenny's Reading

{January 3, 2015}   The Blacklist: The Cyprus Agency

Happy New Year!  Here’s the next episode of The Blacklist:

1. A drugged out young woman is wandering the busy streets of some large city, begging passersby to help her find her baby. I mean, she looks nuts, but seriously, not a single person helps her. What city is this, because I never want to go there.
2. She finds a cop, who tries to help her, but then a guy with a mustache and a van shows up and claims to be her brother and that she’s sick. The cop is interested in their story, but too bad, because Mustache shoots him dead, and then shoots the girl too.
3. Tom and Lizzie are on their couch, cooing over one of those creepy 3D in utero baby shots. I’m sorry, but those are just weird. They’re all excited about how the baby has features on its face, like a baby should. Well, they did hook up with that seemingly sketchy adoption agency, after all. Maybe they have reason to be happy about this development.
4. Lizzie’s changed her mind and decided she wants to stay home for awhile with the baby. Tom is excited, because this means she’s accepting her gendered role. Okay, maybe he’s excited that she’s getting more involved in the adoption process, but I am thinking, probably not.
5. Now Lizzie’s at church with Red, who’s waxing philosophical about having children. He wants Lizzie to track down an evil adoption agency that steals babies from their real mothers and gives them to adoptive mothers. Lizzie’s all, are you fucking serious with this shit?
6. The adoption agency is evil, of course, and run by an evil-looking Campbell Scott. They talk a lot about being awesome and only getting superbabies for people, and I wonder how the people who go to this agency think this is accomplished. We are told they think the agency scours the world for these special babies, but I mean, if you want all these specific traits, you would have to think there’s some weird genetic engineering involved.
7. Now we’re with Red and Meera. She’s all, don’t kill me because I’m not really the mole, I was just ordered to do the security upgrade by the mole! Who’s the mole, then? She doesn’t know. Seriously, this is why security clearance is sort of stupid. I wouldn’t do something for my boss unless I was sure my boss had asked me to do it.
8. Red gets some guy who is maybe Jim Henson reincarnated (where’s that Labyrinth sequel, buddy???) to do something to her to find out she’s telling the truth. Meera and Red decide she’ll go undercover for him at the PO to figure out who the mole is, because she’s pissed about her friends being killed in the breach.
9. Then we get a delightful scene where Lizzie wants to chat with Cooper about taking time off, but is interrupted by Meera’s arrival, who talks about being late because of her sick daughter. Cooper speechifies about the job coming first and really lays into her, and then Lizzie decides maybe now isn’t the best time to chat about FMLA rights.
10. So instead, Lizzie and Ressler go chat with these people who are going to be new parents from the agency. Well, not now I guess. They agree to do a sting operation to get more information for the FBI. I’m sure this will go swimmingly!
11. These poor people who just found out they can’t be parents (they don’t seem to realize what the agency was all about) are then stuck with the agency’s lawyer, who is a creepy fellow with a giant smile and squirrely attitude. They ask a couple of basic questions about the orphanage their baby was at, and Lawyer Dude excuses himself to make a phone call and be all, “We’re made!” panicky-like.
12. Lawyer Dude sucks. I have been interrogated by judges in a harsher manner than these unparents, and I managed to keep my cool for longer than twelve seconds.
13. Ressler and Lizzie intervene, and Lawyer Dude goes totally nuts. Lizzie asks him to help them, but he runs out into the middle of the street and is run over by a bus. I’m not sure whether this is intentional or not, but it was both shocking and somewhat hilarious.
14. Now Lizzie and Ressler are at the agency with a warrant to take all the computers and other files. Campell Scott is totally okay with this, to the extent that Ressler seems a little disappointed. Campell doesn’t yet know about Lawyer Dude’s suicide-accident.
15. Meera. She heads into Cooper’s empty office and steals his ID badge, then finds herself an empty cage with a computer in it and looks up some stuff with his clearance. She finds something and prints it, but we don’t get to see what it is yet. Then she goes back to Cooper’s office, but whoops! He’s actually there now. She chats with him for a minute about feeling mistrustful about everyone and wondering if Red is right, and manages to slip the badge back into his briefcase without his noticing. Great observational skills you’ve got there, Mr. Assistant Director of the FBI.
16. The PO knows that the agency is sketchy, but can’t find anything to prove it. Lizzie thinks they’re lying about where the babies come from. They go and talk to several people who adopted babies from the agency to get DNA samples, and then compare them to missing children files. Surprise – they get nothing.
17. Red advises Lizzie to look for relatives, not exact matches. So Ressler runs the DNA again and finds five matches – they are the mothers, and they are in the system not because they’re incarcerated, but because they are also missing. Lizzie takes a second to process this information, then looks like she’s going to be sick all over Aram’s computers.
18. Oh, and then a jogger finds the body of the girl from the beginning of the episode. She’d been one of the girls that the PO discovered through the DNA search, so they were flagged and notified. The ME comes to talk to Lizzie and Ressler about the girl. He looks exactly like Ryan O’Neal. Like, to the extent that I went to IMDB to see if Ryan O’Neal took this cameo role for some reason. It’s not him. Anyway, we find out that the girl’s body was atrophied (how was she walking around then?) but in perfect condition for giving birth.
19. There was also a drug in her system, I can’t remember the name. Some kind of sedative. Lizzie and Red meet again about the agency, and he tells her that maybe she shouldn’t adopt a baby with Tom, since he is the worst. She takes offense to this, probably because she knows it’s true, and stalks off.
20. Aram has been hard at work on the evil lawyer’s computer, and found some stuff buried. Purchase orders! Ressler is hilariously pissed about idea that a lawyer would make purchases, and Aram corrects him: they are dossiers on girls the agency wants to kidnap. They compare them to the girls they know are missing, and find one that doesn’t match up: a girl named Charlotte who is a student at Georgetown.
21. At the same time, the mustache from the beginning of the episode is stalking poor Charlotte, who is leaving her chemistry class. Sadly for Charlotte, Lizzie and Ressler get there in time for Ressler to nearly be run over by the mustache.
22. Mustache gets his comeuppance, though: he wasn’t supposed to kidnap the new girl, because the FBI is watching them, and mustache is very, very slow on the uptake about the whole thing. So Campbell Scott murders him. No word on what happened to Charlotte. We never find out. I’m going to assume they didn’t murder her.
23. I can’t remember how this happens, but the PO discovers Campbell Scott’s real identity. Or rather, his hidden fake identity, where he went to school as Charles Lassiter Jr. They find the real Lassiters, and discover that Campbell Scott was their adopted son who they returned because his mental problems were just too much for them to handle. Lizzie’s drinking this all in, watching this elderly couple who basically admit to having an adopted kid to patch their marriage, and gets a pensive face.
24. Anyway, somehow this turns into Red and Lizzie visiting a fancy drug house to talk to a drug dealing friend of Red’s about the sedative found in the dead girl. He looks it up and discovers that it’s been used by only eight doctors recently, and one’s a fertility doctor. Say what? Looks like Lizzie’s got a new suspect!
25. Red meets Meera in some dark, undisclosed location. Meera’s got the identity of the mole. She gives the papers to Red, but we don’t get to find out who it is yet.
26. Coincidentally, Lizzie and Ressler arrive at this new fertility clinic just as Campbell Scott is meeting with the fertility doctor. They send a lackey to dissuade Lizzie and Ressler, who blows it big time and tries to attack Ressler, giving them reason to bust in and search the place.
27. Lizzie wanders about and finds herself in a restricted area. I love how restricted areas are always marked as such. I mean, typically it’s because they’re dangerous or whatever and it’s a warning for people, but I always assume, well, is that really the best way to keep your secret stuff hidden? Putting a giant sign on it?
28. Anyway, while I’m musing on this, Lizzie has found a giant hospital room filled with unconscious girls in various states of pregnancy. She looks horrified, because this is horrible. Campbell Scott attacks her but Ressler shows up in the nick of time to shoot him. Hooray!
29. Cooper is super proud of Lizzie for cracking the case. Lizzie is not so excited about it, because of the dead girl. Well, I mean, it sucks that she died, but if she hadn’t, you guys probably wouldn’t have figured all this out. Calibrate, Lizzie, is what I’m saying.
30. Long story short, Campbell Scott started his clinic (somehow, with someone’s money) to stick it to the man, in a way. All the babies are his, and I am electing to believe they employed artificial insemination. Not that it makes this any better, mind you. It’s just something I’m choosing to believe.
31. So anyway. Lizzie goes home and tells Tom she doesn’t want to adopt the baby from the sketchy agency, because who the fuck knows, that baby could end up being a fake superbaby. Or maybe not human. Who knows? The point is, she tells him they aren’t ready to adopt, and he throws a tantrum off-screen, as he is wont to do.
32. Red! He’s chillin’ in some random living room with his favorite gun, blaring music. Turns out it’s Diane Fowler’s house, and she’s the mole. Dun dun dun! I didn’t see that coming, mostly because I forget about her when she walks off screen. Anyway, they discuss her evil mole-itude and she tries to save herself by saying she knows what happened to Red’s family, but he doesn’t care, and shoots her dead.
33. You know, Red, you could’ve gone the whole hog and murdered the shit out of Alan Alda, too. Why does he get a pass? I guess it bothers me that the one who dies is a woman.
34. Anyway. Mr. Kaplan comes to help him clean up the mess. I wonder if she’s ever all, Ugh, this fucking guy. Probably not.


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