What Jenny's Reading

{April 22, 2017}   Supernatural: Love Hurts

So I didn’t hate this episode, I just didn’t like it as much as most of this season.  I thought the monster was fine, the story was okay, but the acting just really pulled me out of the episode.  Also, it was apparently written by the same people who were responsible for that horrific haunted kidney monstrosity, which means it’s already down a grade in my book.

We see a man and a woman getting ready for a date.  The man goes to let the babysitter, Staci, in, and it turns out they’re having an affair.  She goads him into making out with her right in front of the nanny cam, and then complains that he hasn’t left his wife.  Oh, honey.  I know you’re young, but in this day and age that doesn’t give you an excuse to be this fucking stupid.

For the record: he says he’s going to tell his wife that night.  On Valentine’s Day.  During what is clearly intended to be a romantic date.  Yes, I’m certain that is exactly his plan.

So the couple leaves and Staci just hangs on the couch, watching television.  Someone comes in from the back door and startles her, but she relaxes when she sees who it is.  It’s clearly the dude, who is called Dan.  He gives her a massage and then rips out her heart.  I’d say it was nice knowing you, Staci, but it wasn’t.

Now, Sam is in the bunker’s kitchen, and Dean stumbles in with a visible hickey on his neck.  They joke with each other about Dean’s promiscuity and Sam’s prudishness.  It’s cute.

One of three things happened here.  One, Dean went out to a bar, picked someone up, and is just now getting home.  Two, he went out to a bar, picked someone up, and brought them back to the bunker.  Or three, he had sex with Lucifer.  Now, he doesn’t look like a man who slept in a stranger’s bed and did the walk of shame.  He’s too rested.  I’m also vetoing the idea that he brought someone home to the bunker, because no matter how cute he is, no way would anybody willingly go into that creepy-looking likely death trap.  Also, Sam would’ve thrown a fit.  So I’m calling it.  Dean struck out at a bar, came home after Sam fell asleep, and called Casifer.  Don’t tell me Lucifer wouldn’t be all about that, if only just to fuck with both Cas and Dean’s heads.

Anyway.  Sam’s found the case, which is in Ohio (of fucking course this fucked up monstrosity of an episode would take place in Ohio).  They head out and don their ever-present FBI suits (screaming forever) and talk to Dan and his wife Melissa.  Melissa tells them nothing was missing except the nanny cam, and Dan is about as good at hiding things as Tom Keen was, which is to say, not at all.  Sam and Dean decide to question him at work, when he’s not with his wife, and see if that helps.

Sam goes to the morgue to see the body while Dean goes to see Dan.  The pathologist is confused, because usually she’d say it was an animal attack, but Staci was indoors and there aren’t claw marks or anything else in the house.  Apparently whoever killed her was strong enough to push her heart through her back before they pulled it out of her chest.

We check in with Dirty Dan, who is sadly scrolling through Staci’s Facebook page.  Oh, if you’re keeping score?  Dan clearly didn’t tell Melissa about his affair.  Dean comes in and Dan immediately confesses that he was having an affair with Staci, and he took the nanny cam because he was going to wipe it because of the makeout session, but when he watched the recording he saw himself enter the house and murder Staci.  He and Dean watch, and Dean tells Dan he believes him, but that he shouldn’t tell anyone about the video.

At the motel, the boys watch the video, and see the telltale shine in “Dan’s” eyes, so decide they’re after a shifter.  At the same time, a pair of jean-clad legs get off the elevator at Dan’s office, and we see it’s Staci (duh), and she murders Dirty Dan the same way she died.

Sam and Dean head to Melissa’s and confront her.  Surprise, though – she knew about the affair, but swears she didn’t kill him.  They make her touch a silver pen, and nothing happens, so she’s telling the truth.  At least about not being a shifter, that is.  They head out, disappointed and fresh out of leads, but oh guess what?  Melissa hurries around the house and pulls out a box, then starts shredding stuff in the disposal.  She calls a mystery someone and says the spell went wrong and she needs this person to call her back ASAP.

I’m really trying to make this interesting, but honestly, it wasn’t.  Did anybody believe that Melissa killed Staci and Dan?

So anyway.  That night she’s drowning her sorrows in some wine, and someone knocks on the door.  This is the worst fucking acting on the planet, you guys.  This scene is such fucking garbage.  Dan’s at the door, and he tries to get in, and smashes the door like “Here’s Johnny!” except nope, nobody cares at all, and Melissa just stands there and screams like the stupidest fucking bitch on EARTH, like bitch do you SEE the vast expanse of hallway behind you?  It leads right to your kitchen, and then to your living room with the sliding door.  And yet, it takes her an ETERNITY to figure this out.  She gets away, but no one cares.

Sam is alone in the hotel room, as Dean has gone out for the evening.  Yeah, you can’t exactly call Casifer for a quick hookup when you’re sharing a room with your brother.  But Dean returns with takeout, and asks Sam what a “dad bod” is.  Dean, you really need to stop hitting on much younger girls.  You are extremely hot, but in your thirties.  At some point it does become a little creepy.

God, I really did hate this episode, don’t I?  I’d rather re-review the Jody and Claire one.  And the next one is so good, too!  And I don’t hate filler episodes.  I mean, technically the Jody and Claire one was filler.  Also later this season “Red Meat” and “Safe House” are excellent too.  So you can be a filler episode and still be good.  This one just wasn’t good, in my opinion.  I didn’t care about the cheating assholes, I didn’t really care about Melissa, I didn’t care about the villain.

Okay, let’s get this over with.  Melissa shows up at their hotel.  I have no idea how she found them, and I don’t care.  She tells them that she knew about the affair, but still loved Dan, and performed what was supposed to be a “return to love” spell.  She’s managed to bring them the spell, which Sam identifies as a curse, not a spell, and one that’s spread through kissing.  So it’s the magical equivalent of a venereal disease, I guess.  Okay, that’s sort of funny.

Melissa got the spell from her hairdresser.  They prepare to head over to her shop, but Dan arrives.  Dean kisses Melissa, which stalls the curse, and they escape.  At the shop, Dean and Sam play rock paper scissors to see who will investigate the curse and who will go looking for – other evidence?  I guess?  Dean wins for the first time ever, which means he’s going to the tarp-lined room and Sam is researching.  Sam discovers it’s a creature called a qareen, which takes the form of whoever the person most loves, and kills them.  To kill the qareen, you have to stab the heart, which isn’t in its body.  So it’s Pirates of the Caribbean.  Sam is lucky he doesn’t have to take the qareen’s place.

Oh, sorry.  But clearly that’s what happened.  Sonja the witch/hairdresser shows up, and they manage to subdue her and Sam finds the heart and stabs it.  Meanwhile, Dean has confronted the qareen, which has obviously taken Amara’s form.  They chitchat, and she tries to punch him to death, but he tells her that he can fight her since she isn’t actually Amara, and he knows that.  So he basically spends his time dodging her till Sam kills her.

Now, this part is important.  Back at the hotel, Dean finally confesses the Amara bond, and confides in Sam that he doesn’t think he’ll be much help in killing her when the time comes.  Sam tells Dean not to worry, that he’s got this.

The next episode makes up for this bullshit, I swear.


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